Absolutist's Day Out - Part 1
VERY IMPORTANT : If you are a student of my esteemed college – READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!!
“..sho you see, the randome probe-a-bility dish-tribootion eez a phunction oph eksh gibhen by the dobol integral blah blah blah…”, the bell ended the agony. Place: room 42, Time: 1230pm, Subject: Maths (probability), Professor: A prospective farmer from the North 24-parganas who could not express any mathematical idea to save himself. The only time he used probability theory was ‘probably’ while buying cows to guess their virility. He had just joined as a part timer.
Prof.: Wheare were you for all this periods?? (there was a distinct tone in his voice of a farmer haggling over the price of rice-seeds.)
Me : Sir, you sent me out of class a month ago.
Prof.: Sho, aajke eshchho keno?? (just got a ten rupee discount on the price of a bag of seeds)
Me.:Thik achhe sir, porer din theke aashbo naa.
Prof.: Dekho, aamar aar tomar moddhe kono shotroota nei. (help, where are my cows?)
Me.: Yes sir, ofcourse not.
Prof.: Dekho class na kora bhalo noi, porer din theke regular class koro. (brilliant harvest!)
Me.: Cheshta korbo.
Last time I did his class, he did not like my guts, asked me to leave if I was not interested. Well…I left, obviously. Where do they get these people? He has a lot to learn.
This fat guy wobbles up to me and in his siren-like voice says, “kire? Porer din theke class korbi toh?” I head for the stairs, “Nah”. He gives an incredulous look, shrugs his shoulders and stares at a girl passing by.
Still walking down the stairs…it’s a long walk. The reading room on the right. A place haunted by academically frustrated individuals who try to show off their non-existent intelligence by staring at the thickest books available on the most obscure subjects in their curriculum. I hope they find peace someday.
Ah, the field, the sun! Damn those school children, always running about and screaming! I forgive them all, I feel like… A girl passes by glaring at me for a moment. What the hell! What did I do to her? Yes, I hate her character and the people she hangs around with but I never told her that directly. Maybe someday I will. Somebody has to bring her down to earth. Being a good singer doesn’t mean everybody has to worship her. Wannabe Indian Idol…that’s a laugh!
“Hey G, wait!” Why cant she just leave me alone for a while? Cant she see I’m not in the mood? “Do you know what happened in class blah blah, and he just screamed at her, blah blah”; “Tai, how interesting…ami icecream khete jachhi.”
If there is one thing that can soothe my nerves, it’s a bar of choco-bar. Just cant wait… Well, well…those three are sitting there as usual. No point approaching them, they behave very strangely when together. Sometimes I get free icecream treats from one of them though! Nah…I’ll just say ‘Hi’ and move on. One of them smiles and says ‘Hello’, the other two behave as if I do not exist. Who cares! Let me just have the icecream.
Aah! The smooth cream and sweet chocolate…A hand appears out of nowhere and grabs at my icecream. Oh, its that seahorse again. I snatch the icream way and look at her as if she was a seahorse. She is umperturbed, “I’m hungry”, she says in a slur which is hardly understandable. “Go get your own stick”, What a prick! She looks at me as if I was the most evil man on earth and oscillates away. That will keep her away for a few days!!
Thank god my icecream is over, there comes my overtly boring classmates. “Doing the class??”, I ask, hoping for a negative answer. “Na na, PKC’s class, cannot miss.” I don’t think I will survive Electronics. But there is nothing else to do, so might as well.
Room number 6 is already half full. Specially the front benches. There’s the daughter of the HOD, dressed strangely as usual and with a Margaret Thatcher look on her face. She thinks she has a great personality…that’s why she hates me. The fifth bench is always empty because people know that I sit there, behind everyone else. “Hi! Shor, Boshte de”, she just barges into the seat. Oh, now I have to listen to her blabbering. All that gossip and bitching, and ofcourse I’m the only one who would listen. Atleast I wont fall off to sleep.
God! Those two have started again. It is just so annoying to sit near them. They just cant keep their hands off each other.
One period later, room 43, maths again. She looks so much better after the holidays, new hairstyle, new wardrobe. MIT, Stanford graduate, currently doing research. Stuff of dreams. She is very good at what she does. Most people think I have a major crush on her…well, most people think I have a crush on a lot of people. No, but I admire her. She’s definitely better than that farmer.
That was a good finish to a day of expressing unparalleled contempt towards fellow humans. I think I’ll play basketball for a while and then leave…
“..sho you see, the randome probe-a-bility dish-tribootion eez a phunction oph eksh gibhen by the dobol integral blah blah blah…”, the bell ended the agony. Place: room 42, Time: 1230pm, Subject: Maths (probability), Professor: A prospective farmer from the North 24-parganas who could not express any mathematical idea to save himself. The only time he used probability theory was ‘probably’ while buying cows to guess their virility. He had just joined as a part timer.
Prof.: Wheare were you for all this periods?? (there was a distinct tone in his voice of a farmer haggling over the price of rice-seeds.)
Me : Sir, you sent me out of class a month ago.
Prof.: Sho, aajke eshchho keno?? (just got a ten rupee discount on the price of a bag of seeds)
Me.:Thik achhe sir, porer din theke aashbo naa.
Prof.: Dekho, aamar aar tomar moddhe kono shotroota nei. (help, where are my cows?)
Me.: Yes sir, ofcourse not.
Prof.: Dekho class na kora bhalo noi, porer din theke regular class koro. (brilliant harvest!)
Me.: Cheshta korbo.
Last time I did his class, he did not like my guts, asked me to leave if I was not interested. Well…I left, obviously. Where do they get these people? He has a lot to learn.
This fat guy wobbles up to me and in his siren-like voice says, “kire? Porer din theke class korbi toh?” I head for the stairs, “Nah”. He gives an incredulous look, shrugs his shoulders and stares at a girl passing by.
Still walking down the stairs…it’s a long walk. The reading room on the right. A place haunted by academically frustrated individuals who try to show off their non-existent intelligence by staring at the thickest books available on the most obscure subjects in their curriculum. I hope they find peace someday.
Ah, the field, the sun! Damn those school children, always running about and screaming! I forgive them all, I feel like… A girl passes by glaring at me for a moment. What the hell! What did I do to her? Yes, I hate her character and the people she hangs around with but I never told her that directly. Maybe someday I will. Somebody has to bring her down to earth. Being a good singer doesn’t mean everybody has to worship her. Wannabe Indian Idol…that’s a laugh!
“Hey G, wait!” Why cant she just leave me alone for a while? Cant she see I’m not in the mood? “Do you know what happened in class blah blah, and he just screamed at her, blah blah”; “Tai, how interesting…ami icecream khete jachhi.”
If there is one thing that can soothe my nerves, it’s a bar of choco-bar. Just cant wait… Well, well…those three are sitting there as usual. No point approaching them, they behave very strangely when together. Sometimes I get free icecream treats from one of them though! Nah…I’ll just say ‘Hi’ and move on. One of them smiles and says ‘Hello’, the other two behave as if I do not exist. Who cares! Let me just have the icecream.
Aah! The smooth cream and sweet chocolate…A hand appears out of nowhere and grabs at my icecream. Oh, its that seahorse again. I snatch the icream way and look at her as if she was a seahorse. She is umperturbed, “I’m hungry”, she says in a slur which is hardly understandable. “Go get your own stick”, What a prick! She looks at me as if I was the most evil man on earth and oscillates away. That will keep her away for a few days!!
Thank god my icecream is over, there comes my overtly boring classmates. “Doing the class??”, I ask, hoping for a negative answer. “Na na, PKC’s class, cannot miss.” I don’t think I will survive Electronics. But there is nothing else to do, so might as well.
Room number 6 is already half full. Specially the front benches. There’s the daughter of the HOD, dressed strangely as usual and with a Margaret Thatcher look on her face. She thinks she has a great personality…that’s why she hates me. The fifth bench is always empty because people know that I sit there, behind everyone else. “Hi! Shor, Boshte de”, she just barges into the seat. Oh, now I have to listen to her blabbering. All that gossip and bitching, and ofcourse I’m the only one who would listen. Atleast I wont fall off to sleep.
God! Those two have started again. It is just so annoying to sit near them. They just cant keep their hands off each other.
One period later, room 43, maths again. She looks so much better after the holidays, new hairstyle, new wardrobe. MIT, Stanford graduate, currently doing research. Stuff of dreams. She is very good at what she does. Most people think I have a major crush on her…well, most people think I have a crush on a lot of people. No, but I admire her. She’s definitely better than that farmer.
That was a good finish to a day of expressing unparalleled contempt towards fellow humans. I think I’ll play basketball for a while and then leave…
posted by The Absolutist @ 1:26 AM
4 Comments:
"Well, well…those three are sitting there as usual."
hahahahaha! This is brilliant. You should do this more! And you my friend, are terrible at the camouflaging. :-)
Loved it. And yes, the three in question were actually discussing THIS VERY DAY, how people must think what snobs they are. Oh well.
who cares about camoflaging!! as if they are going to hold me by the throat and question me!! I just loved writing the post!! Waiting for feedback...the more violent the better!
brilliant.
"expressing unparalleled contempt towards fellow humans."
will look forward to the next in the series..it wqould be better if she is sent off from earth, rather than brought back.
there's a difference between bitching and analyzing...I do just the latter...by the way, could u give an example of one sound gossip u have been forced to listen to in Room no 6????
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