Tuesday, September 27, 2005

A City Shrouded in Mystery

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Well, my fate is sealed! I am flunking my first honours paper. The Digital Design section was somewhat of an enigma to me. I could only speculate as to what the questions meant (were they questions at all?). The whole experience was as mysterious as the ancient Incan city of Machu Picchu in Peru. It was a technological wonder far beyond the capabilities of the age. Here are some interesting facts about the ancient city:

Machu Picchu is one of the few places left unscathed by the conquering Spaniards. Searching for more gold, Pizarro marched his men up the Urubamba River and around the horseshoe bend at the base of the mountain! Serenely perched 1500 feet above the thundering waters, Machu Picchu escaped the fate of most of the Inca empire. At some point, for reasons that elude us, life in the city ended and the forest took dominion. It was rediscovered in 1911 by a young American named Hiram Bingham.

It is now generally thought that at the time of the conquest, knowledge of Machu Picchu had been lost by the Incas themselves. This hasn't stopped modern historians from somehow attributing its construction to Pachacutec, the 9th Inca who reigned in the mid 15th century, and gets credit for much of the achievements of that civilization.

Hiram Bingham was told of a plant whose juices softened rock so that the surfaces would join perfectly. There are reports of such a plant, including this one by one of the early Spanish Chroniclers: “While encamped by a rocky river, he watched a bird with a leaf in its beak light on a rock, lay down the leaf and peck at it. The next day the bird returned. By then there was a concavity where the leaf had been. By this method the bird created a drinking cup to catch the splashing waters of the river.” Considering the fact that lichen softens stone to attach its roots, and considering the ongoing extinction of plant species, perhaps this isn't really such a far-fetched notion.

Eric Von Daniken, in his series of books beginning with Chariots of the Gods theorized that the Andean stoneworks were built by Alien/Gods who visited the earth long ago, bringing civilization to primitive man. The scientific community simply snickered. Whatever one thinks of his theories, he brought to the public an awareness of the many ancient monuments on earth that seem to defy rational explanation.

In his novel "Slapstick" Kurt Vonnegut quips:
"...there must have been days of light gravity in old times, when people could play tiddley winks with huge chunks of stone."
Pedro de Cieza de Leon wrote of an old Inca legend about the creator-god, Viracocha. Once to show his power he caused a huge fire, then extinguished it. As a result of having been burnt so, the stones were so light that even a large one could be picked up as though it were made of cork..

But the real truth behind this ancient architecture will always remain hidden in the murky depths of time. We can but speculate…


Absolutist’s Guide to the Universe

Toothpick: A toothpick is among the most important things you need when on an adventure cruise to the marshy delta region of Caviterisius III. The entire planet is a delta region but the actual river has never been found. It’s a major tourist destination famous for its luxurious summer cruises. The major attractions are the three headed water snakes, the mammoth flying fishes, the subterranean homesick aliens, the great pillars of Guanetiro made entirely of flying fish droppings and ofcourse the lovely evening sky with 2 and a half moons. But unfortunately the dominant species on the planet are microscopic lifeforms commonly known to be the cause of severe tooth decay. So while on the planet tourists are advised to keep their teeth sparkling clean with the use of toothpicks. The resident organisms are known to digest entire dentures in a matter of seconds. Overall it is an adventure of a lifetime for those with detachable dentures.

Sunday, September 25, 2005

Cretaceous

The following is taken from the first page of the book whose cover is posted alongside.

"It is just after sunrise in a quiet river valley in an area of the world that will eventually be called the state of Montana. It is the Upper or Late Cretaceous period which ended approximately 65 million years ago with the extinction of the dinosaurs. In this scene, a small family group of Alamosaurus heads down river past a wading Pachycephalosaurus and an Anklyosaurus browsing for tender cycad fronds. Three familiar animals move from their path: two crocodiles, a turtle, and some dragonflies. In the distance, a group of Dravidosaurus moves to the river for a drink while Pteranodons soar overhead. Nearby, several Hadrosaurs or duckbills,(four Corythosaurus, two Parasaurolophus and a single Lambeosaurus) awaken and begin their daily search for food."
One Burning Question : Why does a book on the concepts of Operating Systems have dinosaurs on its cover and a commenary about the Cretaceous period on the first page??
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Absolutist's Guide to the Universe
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Cache'kernelis Delta
: The fourth planet in the Cachionis Star system. Inhabited by silicon based lifeforms which spontaneously came into being after a fateful meteorite collision in the planet's prehistoric past. The lifeforms commonly called Stukkinplesses are generally found embedded in to the crust of the planet and their favourite pastime is 'paging', whereby they send irritating octal digit flying across the surface of the planet. These normally hit another Stukkinpless in the vicinity and the immensely popular blood-sport of 'thrashing' ensues. Exobiopsychoanalysts have found out that 99% of the population of Cach'kernelis suffer from a strange neurosis where they believe that they are part of a primitive 'computer' Operating System. This often leads to mass 'crashing' and epidemic panic attacks whenever there is news of a virus detected on their planet.On the whole the planet is safe to visit if you are not from the virus infested planet of Wormitulian VI.

Fantasy


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I just finished reading the Hobbit for the second time. It gave me courage to face the exams like Bilbo faced Smaug (wearing his ring ofcourse!). It just might work: keep a low profile, write absolute rubbish in a very neat and confident handwriting, keep your eyes open for treasure and who knows maybe I’ll manage a first class.

The Hobbit is such a plain and simple book and written so wonderfully, it should be made compulsory in every junior school curriculum. No twists in the story, just adventure, chivalry, wit, magic the works. Don’t you just love fantasy stories…the wizards and elves and dwarves and of course the dark Lord. No philosophy, no pseudo-intellectualism, no illogical metaphors and big theories about what is right and wrong. Just good old good versus evil stuff with loads of adventure and magic. They should ban all other genres. Just pure fantasy…

Wonder where all the hobbits went, and for that matter the dwarves, the elves and the wizards. There is only the race of Men around. Booooring! I would love to meet an elf-girl (Liv Tyler was so perfect for the role of Arwen). They are the perfect combination of intelligence and beauty. Where do you find them nowadays? Drat! Born in the wrong millennia…

The Absolutist’s Guide to the Universe.

Mirrors : Pieces of polysilicates capable of reflecting photons off its surface. Very popular among the female kind of the dominant species on earth who consider mirrors to have magical properties and often ask them questions about their beauty. The men folk also find mirrors enigmatic because they cannot guess what the mirrors have that they don’t have. There has also been a theory which states that mirrors are part of a conspiracy by a certain political party based in the binary star system of Drakionis Beta to take over the world. The mirrors are allegedly so programmed that people looking into it get very different perspective of what they look like. Since most humans are obsessed with the way they look, this would create a lot of confusion and seizing this opportunity the political party of Drakionis Beta would take over the world without anyone noticing.

Saturday, September 24, 2005

I'm a Creep.



If I could run out and fly off to some place far away where would I go? Well...


Potala Palace in Tibet. Perched upon Marpo Ri hill, 130 meters above the Lhasa valley, the Potala Palace rises a further 170 meters and is the greatest monumental structure in all of Tibet. Early legends concerning the rocky hill tell of a sacred cave, considered to be the dwelling place of the Bodhisattva Chenresi (Avilokiteshvara), that was used as a meditation retreat by Emperor Songtsen Gampo in the seventh century AD. In the seventh century, King Songtsan Gambo of the Tubo Dynasty had the princesses of Nepal and Tang emperor as his concubines. To mark the marriage, he built the 999-room palace which covers an area of 410,000 square meters and has a floor space of 130,000 square meters. This structure stood until the seventeenth century, when it was incorporated into the foundations of the greater buildings still standing today.

Enough History! I have always wanted to go there having heard stories about it from my aunt who works in Tibet. It is a fascinating place and has a mysterious aura around it. This would be the perfect time to go there, to get over the traumatic state of boredom that i'm experiencing at the moment. Imagine sitting atop the palace tower watching the sun go down behind the snow capped mountains. Exquisite!

Well, at the moment I can think of only one song :

When you were here before,
Couldn't look you in the eyes,
You look like an angel,
Your skin makes me cry,
You float like a feather,
In a beautiful weather,
I wish I was special,
You're so fucking special,
But I'm a creep,
I'm a weirdo,
What the hell am I doin' here,
I don't belong here
I don't care if it hurts
I wanna have control
I wanna perfect body
I want a perfect soul
I want you to notice
When I'm not around
You're so fuckin' special
I wish I was special
But I'm a creep,
I'm a weirdo,
What the hell am I doin' here,
I don't belong here
I don't care if it hurts
Whatever makes you happy
Whatever you want
You're so fucking special
Wish I was special...
But I'm a creep,
I'm a weirdo,
What the hell am I doin' here,
I don't belong here… I don't belong here


Absolutist's Guide to the Universe

History

: The History of every major Galactic Civilization tends to pass through three distinct and recognizable phases, those of Survival, Inquiry and Sophistication, otherwise known as the How, Why and Where phases. For instance, the first phase is characterized by the question "How can we eat?" the second by the question "Why do we eat?" and the third by the question "Where shall we have lunch?"

Thursday, September 22, 2005

Weathered

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Oh! The wretched exams! Look at the scene outside, its beautiful! Light breeze and a cool drizzle, how romantic! And I’m sitting here trying to hammer in some Data Structures into my head! Three more days to go and the entire syllabus to finish! How can I study in such a beautiful weather? I cant even leave my house. In case you don’t know I’ve been grounded! For what?…not studying enough! Where has civilization come to? Where an adult individual is not allowed to exercise his right to freedom! I cant study now anyway. Might as well go outside and get drenched. Curse those exams!

School exams were so much better. I had notes prepared beforehand, memorized the syllabus, known about the important questions so on and so forth. I had my Mom to ‘remind’ me to study 8 hrs a day, everyday for about five thousand one hundred and ten days. I had tutors to keep me in touch with studies (they always wondered how I managed to get such low marks in spite of all there effort). Overall exams were eventful and exciting. I remember we used to collect money and have a feast on the last day of the exams. And of course the complimentary football match at the end of every exam.. Good old days. Can never forget the school days can you? Such unadulterated fun. We didn’t need occasions to celebrate. Everyday was like a huge party. A perennial state of festivity…

But you cant stay in school forever can you. You have to give yourself freedom to grow and move on to serious stuff. For the world is made up of serious people and serious stuff. People seriously studying, people seriously working, people seriously flirting and other people seriously doing nothing. I think it is your choice as an individual to explore all the dimensions of life in whatever way you want to. To hell with seriousness! Its goddamn raining outside. You cant be serious now. It’s the perfect weather for fun. So just get up climb up to your terrace and dance a bit in the rain!

Its time again to decide whether to keep my hair long or cut it short. Why dont you suggest something for a change? What will it be, rock star or nerd?

Absolutist’s Guide to the Universe

Rumours : It is of course well known that careless rumours cost lives, but the full scale of the problem is not always appreciated. For example, a human named Sam who at one point of time was the CR (read ‘sacrificial lamb’) of a particularly uneventful class, once said, “I seem to be having tremendous difficulty with my lifestyle." At the very moment that Sam said this, a freak wormhole opened up in the fabric of the space-time continuum and carried his words far back in time across almost infinite reaches of space to a distant Galaxy where strange and warlike beings were poised on the brink of frightful interstellar battle. The two opposing leaders were meeting for the last time. A dreadful silence fell across the conference table as the commander of the Cl’Clunks, resplendent in his fluorescent orange jewelled battle underwear, gazed levelly at the Vk’Vnutts leader squatting opposite him in a cloud of dark green foul-smelling vapour, and, with a million shapelessly streamlined and horribly beweaponed star cruisers poised to unleash fiery death at his single word of command, challenged the vile creature to take back what it had said about his pet dog. The creature stirred in his sickly broiling vapour, and at that very moment the words I seem to be having tremendous difficulty with my lifestyle drifted across the conference table. Unfortunately, in the Cl’Clunk tongue this was the most dreadful insult imaginable, and there was nothing for it but to wage terrible war for centuries. Eventually of course, after their Galaxy had been decimated over a few thousand years, it was realized that the whole thing had been a ghastly mistake, and so the two opposing battle fleets settled their few remaining differences in order to launch a joint attack on our own Galaxy - now positively identified as the source of the offending remark. For thousands more years the mighty ships tore across the empty wastes of space and finally dived screaming on to the first planet they came across - which happened to be the Earth - where due to a terrible miscalculation of scale the entire battle fleet was accidentally swallowed by a small frog.

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

Obsession

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Most of my teenage and adult life I have been thoroughly obsessed with the innocent expressions of Meg Ryan. And obsessed is an understatement. Whenever I see a glimpse of her anywhere I tend to go back and stare atleast 6 times before moving on. When she cries on screen I cant help doing so myself. When I look into her eyes I just melt away. I know its all clichéd but then again its true. I have seen most of her films if not all. Let me see if I can remember all of them (ofcourse I can!):
Rich and Famous (1981)
Armed and Dangerous (1986)

Top Gun (1986)
Innerspace (1987)
The Presidio (1988)
D.O.A. (1988)
When Harry Met Sally (1989)
Joe versus the Volcano (1990)
The Doors (1991)
Sleepless in Seattle (1993)
I.Q. (1994)
When a Man Loves a Woman (1994)
French Kiss (1995)
Courage Under Fire (1996)
Addicted to Love (1997)
City of Angels (1998)
You’ve Got Mail (1998)
Proof of Life (2000)
Kate and Leopold (2001)
The Women (2005)

That’s about it I think. Though there are a few more that I haven’t seen. Don’t ask me which one is my favourite. I like anything and everything with even a small poster of Meg Ryan in it. If the number of times I watch a movie is an index of how much I like it then…Sleepless in Seattle (5 times in the same month thanks to Zee MGM), You’ve got mail (4 times thanks to Sam who gave me the VCD), Top Gun (4 times, obviously), I.Q. (thrice, physics and Meg, too good to resist), The Doors (twice, mostly with friends who were more interested in Jim Morrison played by Val Kilmer), When Harry met Sally (twice). As I said, I am totally obsessed.

I have always wanted to act as Fox Mulder opposite Meg Ryan, playing Dana Scully, in an episode of the X-files. Have been fantasizing about it since class 9. Wouldn’t it be cool? Imagine me as Mulder, would be an instant hit!

So I dedicate this post to the only woman who has been constantly in my life for the past 6 years.


The Absolutist’s Guide to the Universe

Metal : Any of several chemical elements that are usually shiny solids that conduct heat or electricity and can be formed into sheets. Also a hyperstupid frequency of tranverse waves emanating from a cult-gathering of mentally deranged ape-descendants who believe that sacrificing their eardrums will appease their patron demon. The above mentioned frequencies have also been found to produce a sexual obsession for human and animal skeletons among those who hear it. The abundance of such noise in a planetary system is an index of the rate of reverse-evolution among the dominant species.

Of Cabbages and Mathematicians

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Mathematics is such an exquisitely explicit language that volumes upon volumes are written in order to portray even a tiny bit of its intricacies. Most of these intricacies are so plainly obvious that a cabbage on a rainy day could guess them, but the art of guessing has long been considered non-scientific in this part of the world especially by certain individuals who have taken it upon themselves to educate the youth. The guessing part has been replaced by a thoroughly organized process of reading (read memorizing). The learning process has been mechanized to follow a certain syllabus carefully crafted by years of experience. All this mostly results in the massacre of a great deal of brain cells which otherwise would be used in the guessing phase of solving maths problems. Its such a futile attempt even to discuss such a matter knowing very well that for the last 14 years I have been on the same assembly line which produces a million other scholars of science. Anyway I continue my guessing game and take turns in being on either side of the thin red flunking line.

Do any of you care what a Bertrami Identity is useful for, or for that matter what a Euler-Lagrange equation does to make life easier? Exactly my point!

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Its been a depressing few days as you can make out from the tone. A serious question haunting me mercilessly. I burn from inside trying to face it and shiver in fear thinking about the consequences if it goes wrong. I am not the fearless hero I make myself look like after all. About the issue at hand I cannot tell you, its too private (hehe!).

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The Absolutist’s Guide to the Universe

Cabbage
: Hyper-intelligent, pan-dimensional beings whose manifestations in our universe mostly resemble round, green leafy objects mistaken for a wild species of a local variety of vegetables. The other manifestations of their kind on Earth are known in clandestine circles as mathematicians. For this reason Earthlings who are apparently brain-dead are referred to as cabbages. The hyper-intelligent pan-dimensional beings of Phulekoupia have taken this as an insult and are working feverishly to develop inter-dimensional travel technologies so that they can wage war with the actual cause of all this trouble – the mathematicians.



Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Greetings, Carbon Based Bipeds!

Signs of Life – Track 1 – Division Bell album – Pink Floyd. Inspirational and all that. Picked up the guitar after I heard the album in the 12th standard. Always listen to it for motivation. That’s about all about that.

See any resemblance?
I have a bad reputation : all my conversations at some point of time either touches upon or entirely digresses to some aspect of music. Some are thoroughly annoyed by it! What about you?
Study leave periods are excellent breeding grounds for new blogs. This will be the second one that I know of. Less than a week left for the exams…where do I stand?…hmm : In a particularly high and narrow shelf of rock on the mountainside with deep gorges on either side. It is not a frightfully uninteresting place though. There are a lot of things to keep you occupied – like the fear of falling into the shadows. But sometimes it gets quite boring, especially after dark and when the clouds block the spectacular view below. The Sunsets are amazing though and so are the thunderstorms. It’s a nice place to visit but I wouldn’t want to live here. Waiting for the Lord of the Eagles to carry me away to yonder lands. Meanwhile I have digital flip-flops occupying me. What a wannabe name for a circuit! Anyway I wont go into names…it reminds me of ‘schlurnissen’.
Why a new blog you ask? Two reasons: One, the flow is better when you write nonsense and two, people tend to say things online which they would never utter face to face, the interaction is at a much deeper level. Why a blog at all? Well, I’m not good at conversations (you all know that too well don’t you!) but a shade better at writing, hence the blog. The other reasons I shall address later.
Oh!…and I love questions. So ask as many as you can.
But wait…who am I addressing this to? Who is the ‘you’ here? Strange…I assume that I’ll get answers when no one knows about the blog yet! It’s a queer world isn’t it?
If you want the answer to Life, Universe and Everything...its 42!

The Absolutist's Guide to the Universe

College - Despite the theories of some subversives who state that college is a place to further one's education, it is well known that college is a place to have fun, to have parties, and to have sex. This can be done, of course, in different combinations. Usually, college is used by beings in late adolescents called "students" and beings in late middle age called "faculty". In general, it is the so-called faculty who make such subversive theories as mentioned above and the so-called students who are having all the fun, Parties and sex.